Wordpress Posts

Two new posts on the wordpress blog.

1. Origins of the Indian Cast System: Part – 1
   

2. Life on the otherside

I hope you enjoy reading them.

Moved Over!

I liked blogger. But, wordpress looks more clean, interesting and I was able to get rid of the K's. So, I have moved over to wordpress.
You can now follow me at http://candidconversations.wordpress.com
Regards,

Writers Block

Sometimes, it just sucks
the words ruckus
when you try and rhyme
to the doorbell chimes
~Hemanth

Be the change you want see

First of all, let me thank all the people who have been inquiring about the blog and why I was not posting. There is a reason behind not posting.

This day, 2 months ago the whole country was under siege by a bunch of mad men whose only aim was to terrorize the nation. Sadly, they succeeded; if only partially. Now, there is not a place in Bangalore where employees entering offices are checked before entering. I guess this might be same across all metros. Some might have already coped with the violent acts, stuffing them away in the dark corners of the mind so as to not feel scared all the time. Some might have simply, learned to live with it knowing well that our politicians are all bark and no bite or, knowing the apparent apathy rooted in our political system. But, some of us thought it was a time to act. We thought it was the right time to effect a change, the right kind of change, to achieve the dream that we were once shown 60 years ago. A dream of equality, peace and justice.

We thought it was a time for change. In a post, I wrote: “Let us not waste their sacrifice. Let us make sure that we become the change that we want to see.” One of the comments by a fellow blogger, IndianHomeMaker (IHM) read: “Would like to know how you think this can be done. How can we be the change we want to see?” I promised a response. But, before I could respond, I wanted to see how hard or easy it was going to be.

For 60days, I was trying to be the change that I wanted to see. What I did not realize was the fact that, sometimes the simplest of changes are hard to bring about. But, what I realized is that; in order to be the change you want to see in the world, you don't have to be loud. You don't have to be eloquent. You don't have to be elected. You don't even have to be particularly smart or well educated. You do, however, have to be committed. Be, it stopping behind the zebra-crossing on red and only moving forward on green, no matter how many glares you get for smiling like an idiot when they keep honking their horns. Gradually, the number of people honking reduces and one day there won’t be any honking :). It’s a simple thing, stopping on red and moving on green. We can all do it, can’t we?

So, after 60days I realized, we don’t have to set out to achieve all this change in a day. We can first be it ourselves and help others along the way. And, In the near future we will see that dream of equality, peace and justice; has been realized.

“Be the change you want to see in the world.” ~Mahatma, Gandhi.

God bless our republic.

Merry Christmas!

Rest In Peace

May the brave soldiers, policemen and the civilians who lost their lives in the terror attacks rest in peace. Let us pray for their families to have the strength and courage to survive these difficult times.

Let us not waste their sacrifice. Let us make sure that we become the change that we want to see.

Regards,

Image: Designed by me using photoshop. You can use it in your blog if you want it.

The Sage Song

Dreams, splashed on the tombstone,

Life, its only own enemy!

Heart's the twisted rotten branch ,

Soul's the interweaving brook of tears!!

Somehow, I feel that 'Life' is not a good title for this short. Any suggestions are most appreciated.

Will be away for a while!!!

Hi folks, just wanted to get in a quick post before I completely go AWOL. I will be back probably next week or on the 17th. These 18days are going to eventful..we have a lot of things planned with the family and all :)..so, take care and see you folks on the 17th.

Neon Signs

Glimmering in the moonlit night,
it was one of them signs towed
at the back of a truck, bright
like Gen.hookers gals...always, bright.

I scraped at my window, to see
If the light would brighten the
damply room. Was it heresy?
What it clearly read? Too artsy?

Perhaps, I needed cleaner windows
mine were hardly, like ghostly
canvases which took the artists' blows
and were left bland and callous.

I could hear the neighbours cot
creaking, his gelded weight
burdening it. The floor rot
with him acting up the colt.

I stepped into the night
and my drunk heart was singin
a medley to the moonlight
the sign still flashed birght.

The muted moans next door
were killed by the neon buzz
that lit up the ground floor
and then died at my door.
----------------------------
~Hemanth

The disappearing act!

In my usual style, I have gone completely underground for the past two weeks. I usually do this when I am taking a vacation. But, this time the reasons where a little different (although; vacation was also involved). 

Oct 5 - Oct 10

 The whole week was a mess, hectic and mind numbing. From Monday to Friday, I was busy supporting my current project 24/7 while, transitioning the work to a new vendor (I was supposed to join a new project from Oct-13; because of a screw up). On Friday, I came to know that my current PM screwed up big time and landed me in a gigantic fix. I have been working 24/7 for about a month and he promised me a vacation for 15 days. But, he told my HR that I was available to get scheduled to a new project from 12-Oct. I gave him a big piece of my mind and began negotiations with the NEW PM to get Monday and Tuesday off. I got Monday *whatever, the fuck!*. 

So, the weekend 11,12 and 13 where going to be my vacation days after toiling for 30days working almost 24/7. 

Oct 10 - Oct 13

Vacation time!!! No connectivity :) 

I was travelling to Hyderabad and I have found the reason why I am so scared of travelling. 

There was a female in the bus, who got a cute labrador puppy and since; the buses here don't allow pets she got into an argument with the driver. After, 15minutes the driver gave up and asked her to sit in the last seat of the volvo bus and not let the puppy bark or make weird noices. Well, I am not sure if she had any control on what the pup would do.

The bus, stopped one and a half hour into the journey near a roadside dhaba to facilitate the drivers late dinner and some of the passengers also wanted to get out and stretch their limbs. There was a small girl, who was sitting outside the dhaba along with an old man who was asking for alms. I was silently watching her from the corner of my eye as I lit a cigarette. After getting some beedi in the cigarette shop next to the dhaba, she started asking for alms. 

The lady with the pup, just shooed her away;and went inside to get some warm milk for the pup. Not many bothered to tell her that they did not have any change because they were gobbling down dosas. I was rather upset so, called the small girl and gave a 5 coin. I was half-hoping she would hide it somewhere and get herself some candy or atleast keep it with her. But, she just went straight to the old man and gave him the coin along with the beedis. I hit myself real hard on the head. 

I was, sitting in the bus thinking about this for a couple of hours and then it hit me; the reason, why I hate travelling so much: "Our lives are like sandboxes, secured from outside influences. We are lucky in many ways and when we see or experience something like the above it disturbs our reality making us feel very uncomfortable. And, India has so many such experiences to offer." I am not being anything here, it was the only explanation that let me sleep that night.

The experience from the previous night was tucked away in a corner of my brain, as my attention was drawn to delicious hyderabadi biryani next afternoon, night and on sunday as well.

Reached Bangalore, afternoon of 13th and was running here and there to get some paperwork out of my way.

Oct 14 - Oct 17

Back to homebase, starting off a new project. Need to get knowledge and settle into the groove. Had, to read a bunch of documentation about the new project. Understanding the team hierarchy. Probing people, to get a feel of ground zero and the work environment. Another chess game! begins :)

Donuts! for Chrome?? :-O

Was on my Orkut account, and I noticed the message in the redbox. Now, where will I get these donuts???

ps: I drew that redbox and the horns on my pic. Just to scare a few folks and make them spill their morning coffee :)

Smoking ban! Oh Really????

So much talk in the media about smoking ban. If I wasn't already smoking, I would have lit up one just to check how smoking feels and why the media is making such a big fuss about it.

Here is a word for the media, "Stop!" and more-over, it is not a ban in the true sense of the word. Imagine this, you can't smoke in office buildings, public places like theaters, bars and shopping complexes but; you can smoke in public parks and on the road. There is something wrong here and doesn't this bother people?  

If you really wan't be cynical and say 'Phbtttt! ban, shwan; nothing is gonna happen' go ahead and say it.  Because, all that has changed in this ban is; the location where people smoke. As far as bangalore is concerned, there is not a shortage of parks (Can't say the same about roads). The only, thing good that is coming out of this ban is that the bars won't be filled with smog during Happy Hours. I don't frequent the good 'ol watering holes as much as I did so, big deal-don't care.  On the downside, your early morning jogs won't be as refreshing.

The truth is, this ban is half-hearted at best. The government wants revenues from tobacco but, they need to keep the mouths of the anti-smoking groups and NGO's shut and prevent them from spreading awareness. Next time these guys speak up, the government is going to say, 'We banned smoking! didn't we? What more, do you guys want?'.

If there are two things, any government won't ban completely they are tobacco and liquor. So, stop showing me Mr.Ramadoss on the screen,  he hasn't done anything great. He just got some cheap publicity by getting his face verbally slapped by SRK and Buddahdeb. 

Tagged-Addictions

Been tagged by pinku. I am supposed, to give a list of my top 5 addictions. Wow! 5?? By the way, who decides on the number? Anywhoooo....here you go:

Cigarettes take the top spot. This is the biggest addiction of my life. I wake up, I smoke, I eat, I smoke, I smoke and I goto sleep. I tried to stop smoking cigarettes by telling myself; I just didn't want to smoke. But, I didn't believe myself and I am still trying to quit.

Tea, takes the second spot. I wake up, groggy eyed every morning and torture myself to 5 minutes of walk to get to the roadside bakery for a nice refreshing drink of tea. After, that I am official awake. Otherwise, you can find me snapping away at people in the office all day long :)

I am addicted to Junk food. You show me a place which serves a decent burger, fries and a good soda - I am following you there :-D. I make excuses to eat junk food. My mom hates it and I loooooovvvveeee it.

I am addicted to gaming. I spend atlest 1,000/- every month buying a new game. The past few days, I have been exploring the 'spore' universe. I usually spend about 3hours a day playing these games and usually, these 3hrs cuts into my sleep time.


Whats a life without love? I am hopelessly romantic. Find, the allure of love irresistable.


Thanks for reading!!

Passing the baton:
Keshi, if you feel like it- do the tag :)

The moribund reality...

India today, has a horrible and an ignominiously swollen belly. It carries in this shameful womb a national catastrophe (if things are left the way they are), of this I cannot believe anybody still cherishes the smallest doubt… Every reprehensible issue remains something other. The very fact that it remains shrouded in silence is uncanny enough. What more (proof), do the intellectuals and the common folk of this country need? Can this nation, stop fiddling and wake up to this macabre reality? Can it, face the ghoulish nature of its misled children without fidgeting? Can it? Will it? Oh! What a shame!!!

It is already uncanny when among a great host of the blind some few who have the use of their eyes must live with sealed lips. But it becomes sheer horror, so it seems to me, when everybody knows (what is wrong) but is bound to silence, while we read the truth from each other in eyes that stare or else shun a meeting.

India ... today, clung round by demons, a hand over one eye, with the other staring into horrors, down she flings from despair to despair. When will she reach the bottom of the abyss? When, out of uttermost hopelessness --- a miracle beyond the power of belief --- will the light of hope dawn? A lonely man folds his hands and speaks: ``God be merciful to thy poor soul, my friend, my Motherland!''


Disclaimer: I found this on the source page listed below. I felt, what was provided there had a bearing of truth and appealed to the current deplorable state of affairs present here. I take, no claim to have written this on my own. All, I did was provide a view point.

Source: Don Knuth - Infrequently asked questions, Original text from Thomas Mann, Dr. Faustus (1947, written in 1945) [excerpts from chapter 33 and the epilogue].

World Peace day awards...

Indian home maker, gave me an award for the post Religious Vocabulary; today being World Peace Day, the award is called Blogging Friends Forever.

I am honoured to recieve this award and even more so because of what she said on her blog:

"Since we are going through Times Of Intolerance, I would like to take the liberty to give it to those who have written strong and effective posts on this issue. What better way to end intolerance than becoming friends? So, I would like give the Blogging Friends Forever award to bloggers who have spoken for PEACE."

Thank you, for the award.

Ps: Please read the posts that IndianHomeMaker has listed on her blog. After reading them, give the posts about 5 minutes thought. You will realise that we have a lot to learn from each other and that we need to at least try and give peace a chance.

Tagged!

I have been tagged by Indian Home Maker.

The rules for the tag are:

RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

RULE #2 Tag 6 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by continue this game by sending it to other people.

 

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?

– Somehow there is no correct answer to these questions is there. I would be enraged, for about 2 minutes. That is usually, how long I can stay angry with a person; unless, they piss me off pretty bad. Then, I would probably like to know the reason why. Answer, no answer it would life back to normal again. 

 

2. If you can have a dream come true, what would it be?

– Being remembered for a long time as someone who changed the course of history.

 

3. If you could, whose butt would you like to kick?

– Oh! There is a lot of them out there. If I had to pick one person, it would be grave injustice to the rest of the cock suckers out there now; wouldn’t it? :)

 

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?

– Dunno, probably nothing. 

 

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend? 

– Definitely!

 

6. Which is more blessed: loving someone or being loved by someone?

- Both are equal. No comparisions, here.

 

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you love?

- I am a patient guy. If I like someone, I can wait. Erm..or so, I think.

 

8. If the person you secretly like is attached, what will you do?

- Nothing. If she likes a different guy, that is her choice.

 

9. If you could root for one social cause, what would it be?

- Equality and Intelligence.

 

10. Do you lie?

-Oooh! yeah! Big time for small small things. Most of the times I try to be honest and not get my ass on fire (somehow! doesn't seem to work).

 

11. Where do you see yourself in 10 years time?

- Let's say, doing something related to question 2.

 

12. What’s your fear?

- I fear many things. Not as much as losing my free will.

 

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?

- As far as, I can tell from her blog. She is a caring mother. Sensitive to the injustice around her.

 

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?

- Dunno, depends on how rich I am or how intelligent my partner is.

 

15. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously who will you pick?

- The better one.

 

16. Would you give all in a relationship?

- For friendship, yes. For love, maybe. 

 

17. Would you forgive and forget someone no matter how horrible a thing he has done?

- I might forgive and forget some stuff. I am not sure, if I can do the same if they hurt me.

 

18. Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?

- I need love. Can't live without it.

 

19. Your all time favourite comedian. Only ONE. And why?

- George Carlin. Because, he is a fucking genius.

 

20. Who would like to get tagged?

-If you would like to be tagged, leave your name in the comments.

 

Don't know many folks around here so thought would ask you guys to pick it up.

Religious vocabulary

I have seen many blogs and few local news papers, getting the definitions and contextual implications of some of the vocabulary associated with religion and terrorism wrong (something, is definetly fucked up! when you talk about religion and terrorism in the same sentence). So, let's get somethings right shall we? Let us not add more fuel to the already buring pyre of Indian diversity and religious tolerence.

Encarta Dictionary defines, fundamentalism as “the belief that religious or political doctrine should be implemented literally, not interpreted or adapted.”  Now the question arises, who, or what, is a fundamentalist? This often abused/overused word sounds like an insult more often than not but, how can a believer be true to his faith if he does not believe in its fundamentals? You cannot be very faithful, can you, if you believe only in supplementaries?

So, were does the slide begin? When does, following scriptures to the dot begin to border on madness? The slide begins; when one faith begins to encroach upon a separate conviction. The first symptom of such overzealous fundamentalism is aggression. When this aggression is channeled through an organized section of a community, it becomes communalism. When a state codifies such aggression through statute, or executive authority, it becomes a fundamentalist state. When a person, uses religion and appeals to the emotions of people; thereby gaining political mileage its called demagoguery.

"Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself"! ~George Carlin

The spotlight thing...

Disclaimer: Yes, a little bit of recycling here. In the first post of this blog, I mentioned that I deleted my old blog for a certain reason. And this post was one of the reasons. But, at the same time this post is, to date the best piece of story telling I have done.  There are friends, who don't like it all that much because of the sad undertones. But, please be advised that although it is not entirely fictional; it is just a post. If you have to know, about 10-15% of this post came from my reality and the rest came from my imagination. And the most important question is, why revive a post such as this? I really don't know but, maybe because I want to test if I really buried the hatchet or still carry the burden. And oh! yes, I am an attention _______(fill in your fav, expletives here & leave the comments clean).

The Spotlight Thing:

I looked around; it was the familiar setting, a room that was shabby. It has been my constant refuge in the past few months, a room in the middle of no-where with smudges all over the walls. Maybe, they were a symbolic representation of the murk within me or just that they were really old. Do I remember seeing those marks before?  I am afraid that if I prolong the thought I might finally find the answers I have been seeking for long. 

I live a lie. A life in which I had countless times thought, ‘How nice would it be to just wake up from my sleep and realize that, this was all a dream’, a very bad dream. I rehearsed the scene in my head so-many times that I lived in the illusion that reality were just that sort of a dream. Not entirely for the whole time but, yeah sometimes I still do believe that I would wake up any moment with sweat pouring down my face and with an ex-pression of horror written all over it. I would stumble towards the sink, wash my face. I never looked at the mirror probably because I already knew how I looked or maybe it was because, I was always a pair of eyes watching what is happening around from a panoramic angle. I would then end up ruminating on what the dream has just showed me and to avoid all the mistakes that I have made thus far. A thought, that has stuck with me for so long that I am afraid, that one day I will end up believing that. 

I have told a lot of my friends that their troubles were much simpler compared to others in the world. I always painted a pastoral picture for them, a canvas on which they had it easier and simpler than most of them. True, most of them did have a life that was easier than most. I even painted this picture to some who had it really bad to give them the hope that they were doing well than some poor beggar child on the streets. Well, precisely not a beggar child but you know how it works. It was not a permanent solution but it sure was effective in the short term. Some of them for whom my words of consolation gave a little relief, I did not intend to help nor was I trying to do any harm but, it was just one of those things where you are really not interested in helping the party concerned. Some of them I really did intend to help but, with them there was always this feeling that… what I did was just a temporary solution. Maybe, it was just me that was not satisfied or did not understand what my friends needed. But, when they tried to do the same with me, I always put up a wall that wouldn’t let their concern slip through. 

As I said, a part of me wanted to be left alone when it was in trouble. Deep down I knew my troubles were no different than theirs. Just that, I never admitted to it. Probably because I was afraid that these carefully erected walls of lies around me would crumble and disappear (Yes, the curious cat in me took a peek on the other side of the wall). Then, I would be a happy man…A man free from the same mundane troubles that your everyday average guy had. Yes, I purposefully sabotaged my own chances. Most of the times with some sort of self-guilty reasoning and sometimes just because I was just too plain lazy. But, I always knew that if I hadn’t done what was supposed to be done it would eventually pile up on that weight that my walls support.

You see there is idiotic romanticism with fighting back or fighting against the odds, which humans have. You find a solution to a very complex problem in 15minutes like you were solving your average everyday crossword; no one would even give you second thought. But, if you made the problem bigger and bigger and solved it in a flash everyone notices your talents (Stealing the spotlight). Well, all this rambling has nothing to do with the romanticism and blah, blah!  But, it does show us something important. The light is shining on you when the deck is stacked against you.

So, dutifully I sabotaged my opportunities one after the other. There was no deadline. All there was, is the empirical knowledge of how much weight the walls can hold. Time was not of the essence because; I have a lot of it at my disposal. Finesse was of quintessential importance. Like a surgeon who should know, how to stitch the skin back together. I had to take back control of my life, some day. And I had to know which type of stitches to use so that it heals quickly. I don’t like being frustrated. I have enough patience but, I would rather see things done quickly than wait for them to get back to normal.

My friends like a pack of sheep, kept giving me encouraging words and self help books. I wish to tell them the truth one day. But, the days of revelation and isolation are far away, at least for me. But, I stocked my freezer with alcohol. I don’t know why, but for some weird reason these kind of revelations went well with alcohol. Maybe it’s just that the alcohol numbs our senses enough to shield the pain.

I began to wonder while writing these lines, if it was just the spotlight thing or was it something else that has driven me towards this suicidal route. I pondered long and hard, the answer was simple. It was just about stealing the show. I needed attention; I needed attention like never before. I felt disgusted, filthy, exhilarated, and high because…I was the attention whore! 

 Before I slash my wrists, I have to appreciate your patience and thank you for that strong shoulder I was able to rest on, a countless times. I wish I could use it now, to support my sagging frame. Au revoir!

Big Bang-Literally

The original Big Bang was no bigger than a cent, yes quite literally. The whole story started when an object the size of a small coin exploded giving birth to this whole expanse of space, matter and dark matter. And unraveling the secrets of a coin lost in the universe 13.7 Billion years ago (give or take a few million years to accommodate scientific error) doesn't come cheap. The European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN) has spent at least 10 years and $8 billion building the Large Hadron Collider (dubbed-LHC), the world's biggest particle accelerator, under the Alps. Today at 12:30PM IST, CERN will start smashing particles together after having accelerated them to 99.9999991% of the speed of light (this took them a couple of months, if I am not wrong).

How is it done?
(From http://www.fastcompany.com/)

1. Two beams of protons are propelled in opposite directions around a 17-MILE CIRCULAR TUNNEL, located at least 165 feet beneath the French-Swiss border. Building subsurface meant lower costs (no need to buy up acres and acres of land) and a natural rock shield for the radiation produced by the LHC.

2. The particles will be guided around the tunnel by more than 1,600 super powerful, cylinder-shaped ELECTROMAGNETS, some of which weigh more than 30 tons. The protons will zoom around the ring up to 11,245 times per second, reaching 99.9999991% of the speed of light.

3. At four points in the ring, magnets will push the beams together, causing up to 600 million PROTON COLLISIONS per second. If all goes as planned, these high-speed, high-energy crashes will create bursts of rare forces and particles that haven't been seen since the big bang 13.7 billion years ago.

4. Four huge PARTICLE DETECTORS -- the biggest, ATLAS, is 150 feet long, 82 feet high, and has more than 100 million sensors -- will track and measure the particles at each collision. Filters will discard all but the 100 most interesting crashes per second. This will still produce enough data to fill a 12-mile-high stack of CDs per year.

Then What?
The results will be analyzed by 100,000 processors and thousands of scientists around the world. CERN predicts that within a year they will be able to identify particles that had previously existed only in theory. Physicists will be hunting for the elusive Higgs boson, or "god particle," which is believed to imbue matter with mass. "We'll either find it," says CERN's James Gillies, "or prove that it doesn't exist." Particle physicists also hope to learn more about the composition of dark matter and dark energy -- the invisible stuff that makes up 96% of the universe. As well as shed some light on other mysteries like surpersymmetry. They also want to prove that science fiction is actually reality by finding evidence of extra dimensions beyond our 3-D world. I am hoping for singularity to be resolved (oh! well, but I do hope)

In lighter vein:
Some critics claim it will create "black holes" of intense gravity that could implode the Earth, or that it will open the way for beings from another universe to invade through a "worm hole" in space-time. A safety review by scientists at Cern and in the US and Russia rejected the prospect of such outcomes.

Robert Aymar, the French physicist who heads the research centre, said: "The LHC is safe, and any suggestion that it might present a risk is pure fiction."
Professor Stephen Hawking, author of A Brief History of Time, said: "Collisions at these and greater energies occur millions of times a day in the Earth's atmosphere, and nothing terrible happens."

The Indian Connection:
(from Hindustan Times)
1. Over 100 Indian scientists from institutes like the Tata Institute of Fundamental Research and the Bhabha Atomic Energy Centre are involved in the Large Hardron Collider (LHC) project.

2. The Department of Atomic Energy gifted a two-metre bronze statue of the Nataraja to CERN on June 18, 2004 to celebrate the centre’s India connection.

3. Indian Atomic Energy Commission boss Anil Kakodkar had then said: “The Indian scientific community is part of the quest for understanding the universe.”

4. India contributed $25million as funds towards this experiment. Now, that is what is called a proud moment for India.

5. Author Fritjof Capra first drew a parallel between Shiva’s dance of creation and destruction and the dance of subatomic particles in The Tao of Physics.

6. A plaque next to the statue quotes Capra: “Modern physics has shown that the rhythm of creation and destruction is not only manifest in the turn of the seasons and in the birth and death of living creatures, but is also the very essence of inorganic matter. For modern physicists... Shiva’s dance is the dance of subatomic matter.”Image Source:
http://www.fastcompany.com/

A day....

I love the puddle contained rain water
I can use these childhood Experiences,
Fun and Memories. I’ve been a lonely wind
Kind of refreshing have the showers been